~ Mrs. Woolf ~

She rises from her bed and goes into the bathroom. Leonard is already up; he may already be at work. In the bathroom, she washes her face. She does not look directly into the oval mirror that hangs above the basin. She is aware of her reflected movements in the glass but does not permit herself to look. The mirror is dangerous; it sometimes shows her the dark manifestation of air that matches her body, takes her form, but stands behind, watching her, with porcine eyes and wet, hushed breathing.

起身之後她進了浴室。李奧已經起床了,也許正在工作。在浴室裡,她開始洗臉,她的視線避開了洗臉盆上方橢圓形的鏡子,她可以隱約感覺到鏡子裡反射出的一舉一動,但她不許自己看。鏡子是危險的,有時她會在鏡子裡看見一團陰鬱晦暗的空氣開始成型,逐漸變成她的形體、有著跟她一模一樣的長相,就在那裡站著,用貪婪的眼睛盯著她,無聲地吐納著潮濕的氣息。  

She washes her face and does not look, certainly not this morning, not when the work is waiting for her and she is anxious to join it the way she might join a party that had already started downstairs, a party full of wit and beauty certainly but full, too, of something finer than wit or beauty; something mysterious and golden; a spark of profound celebration, of life itself, as silks rustle across polished floors and secrets are whispered under the music. She, Virginia, could be a girl in a new dress, about to go down to a party, about to appear on the stairs, fresh and full of hope. No, she will not look in the mirror. She finishes washing her face.

她洗臉但是不看鏡子,尤其是這個早晨,尤其當有工作正等著她,而她迫不及待地想開始進行,這急切就好似她急著下樓去參加一場已經開始的宴會:充滿風趣言談、優美儀態,甚至充滿比風趣和優美更美好細緻的東西,一些不可思議、亮閃閃的東西:絲質的裙擺窸窣拂過打亮的地板、音樂流轉間的秘密私語,一場歡慶生命的輝煌盛宴。她,維吉妮亞,可以是那個穿上新衣準備參加樓下宴會的女孩,她的身影將要出現在階梯上,雀躍而充滿期待,她可以是那個女孩的。不,她不會看鏡子,她洗好臉了。 

from Michael Cunningham’s “The Hours

 endlesssong 翻譯於2005/01/08

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為什麼摘錄這一大段?
因為我有時也會害怕鏡子,
有時候看著鏡子會有點疑惑鏡子裡的人到底是誰?

當腦海裡被一些事情盤據的時候我就會避開鏡子,
尤其是有一些稀奇古怪的想法的時候。
因為鏡子有時會打斷你的思緒,把你拉回現實來,
有時,是不太喜歡的現實,甚至是不太喜歡的自己;
然後你看著鏡中的自己,
一種詭異的感覺沒來由地冒出來,
鏡子裡的那個人明明就是你的樣子,
也理所當然是你的樣子,
可是你卻忽然問起『為什麼?』
然而面對你的還是靜默的倒影,
沒有表情、沒有答案,
於是你不寒而慄。

有時候你像是出竅般,
自己都不太確定當下神遊的是哪一個你,
你以為你可以選擇,直到你的眼神接觸鏡子─
它居然(它竟敢)斷然地決定了一個形象,
就那麼一個,再沒別的;
那麼的篤定(幾乎是挑釁地),
沒得商量、沒得翻轉,
你驚訝地問:『怎麼會?』
它不作聲,執行勤務般,
冷冷地、不帶感情,
卻像是一種嘲笑─無聲的叫囂。

於是,
我幾乎只在心情好或是沒有情緒起伏的時候照鏡子。

The mirror is dangerous......

 by
endlesssong

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看到書中那段文字的時候被震了一下,試著翻譯出來,但或許仍無法完全傳達出這段文字給我的感覺,就當作是一種記錄,也作為一種練習吧!

 

endlesssong 2005.01.08 

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